The AMA, APMA, ACFAS, the AAOS, and AOFAS have negotiated an agreement to be forwarded to their respective HOD’s for final approval. 

We at The Podiatry Post were WRONG in suggesting these negotiations would lead to nowhere.  It turns out that the two years of committee examination was indeed fruitful. 

Congratulations to all involved.

The Details:

1. AOFAS members will no longer refer to podiatrists as “fucking quack losers”, but shall demonstrate respect for the DPM degree.

    In the future, orthopaedic surgeons will identify podiatrists as “untrained frauds with no business in an operating room”. 

    The term quack, quackery, or quacks is heretofore interdicted.

2. Students will be permitted to take the USMLE examination.  However, USMLE will stand for United States Make-Pretend Lower Extremity test. 

    The test formerly known as the USMLE shall now be identified as the USRMD which will stand for United States Real Medical Doctors examination. 

    Another problem solved.

3.  The Colleges of Podiatry shall make the following changes:

     a. They shall be referred to as Centers for Foot Schooling.

     b. At least 30% of those accepted for admission must speak English.

     c. At least 30% of those accepted must be graduates of a college with greater than 200 students and at least 10 miles from the nearest cow.

4.  Ira Krause ** and Michael King shall be permanent representatives of podiatry for any future negotiations.

     However, the APMA shall be responsible for any of their food charges, legal fees for sexual harassment **, or TALAR Tuesday masterbatory activity.

5. Following the traditional “white coat” ceremony, students with no clinic patients for greater than 3 consecutive days shall wear the “white coats” 

    working as waiters, waitresses, or other self identified freaks in local restaurants. 

    However, such employment shall be restricted to restaurant establishments less than 25 miles from the Center for Foot Schooling.

6.  The foot residencies shall upgrade in the following manners:

    a. The term footology apprentice shall replace the term resident or fellow.

    b. A course in charging the families of deceased patients for services rendered following death shall replace rotations in gynecology, psychiatry, and cardiology.

        This course shall include removal of shoes, pads, or external fixators from the departed (the content to be determined by Michael King).

    c. Footology apprentices may spend a maximum of 5 hours per day in the hospital cafeteria.

    d. Diversity trading shall be included as a mandatory requirement in footology apprenticeships. 

        This is defined as demonstrating the ability to say “you need surgery on this even though it doesn’t hurt”, 

        “you need to buy this or your toes will rot off” in Spanish, Arabic, Prevailing African-American dialect, Chinese, Russian.

7.  James Christina, APMA Executive Director, shall no longer be referred to a a worm.  The term mollusk will be applied in the future.

8.  Ethics training will be required in all footology apprentices. 

     The membership of the curriculum committee shall include: 

     Michael Shore

     Lee Rogers

     Barry Block

     Jeffrey Lehrman

     Ira Krause

     Hal Ornstein

     John Giulliana

     Mike King

     Alan Sherman

     Any active member of the APMA BOD

     Any active member of the pediatric affiliate (ACFAP)

     Anyone selling Arizona Balance Braces, formerly known as Moore Balance Braces.

Many thanks to APMA and ACFAS for negotiating our future.